- Drugs
My name is Shari. I have had some sort of drug addiction since I was 13. I am now 31 and feel like I have wasted my entire life using drugs. My addiction started after my father passed away at the age of 60 from cancer. I took care of him for over a year giving him baths, cleaning, cooking, and going to school. I was devastated. I started smoking marijuana at 13, but by 15 I was doing acid almost daily. By 17, I was snorting almost an eight ball of cocaine daily. That’s right, daily. I quit when I was pregnant with my son but right after I started again.
By 23 I had my daughter and had to have my tubes tied for my safety. I had already had cervical cancer twice, losing half of my cervix. After my tubes were tied I was prescribed Percocet. I enjoyed the way they made me feel and before I knew it I was addicted. My addiction was severe enough that even with two jobs I still couldn’t afford my habit. I ended up meeting people like me that went to Florida to different pill mills. They asked me if I was interested. Of course, I said yes and started going. By the time I found heroin I was broke, homeless, jobless, and none of my family wanted me around. My son wasn’t allowed to be near me. I was doing 30 to 35 perk 30’s (Percocets) a day, plus a 125mg Fentenoyl patch. I couldn’t afford to go to Florida or pay 30 dollars a pill anymore.
One of my “friends” introduced me to heroin. At first it was cheap and I thought I could get my life back on track. The catch was, after a while, snorting it just didn’t work anymore. I had my best friend since kindergarten shoot me up because I was afraid of needles. Turns out she was on, too. I knew that was it for me so I moved in with her and we did the same thing every day. One day I decided that my daughter and I need a fresh start.
We went to California and I tried to sober up but couldn’t. I started smoking crystal meth. Once again I lost it all. In January 2013, I moved back to Ohio into my best friend’s house and started doing the same old thing; heroin. I met a man and we hit it off, love at first site. One day we were coming back from his house outside of Columbus so I could get some clothes and of course get a fix. We had my daughter and his two oldest children with us. I had him stop at a gas station where I conveniently had someone there, waiting, so I could get my stuff so I wasn’t “sick” anymore. The kids got hungry so we stopped at a fast food place. My daughter, his daughter, and I went to the bathroom. All I remember is getting all of my stuff ready and starting to use. Needless to say, I woke up to paramedics asking me all kinds of questions and my date and all the kids crying. I was so embarrassed.
My daughter rode with me in the ambulance to the hospital, where there were police and children services waiting for me. I received several tickets and lost my daughter that night. The police officer told me what happened. He said that my daughter came out of the bathroom crying and a lady stopped her, asking what was wrong. My daughter told her that I was on the floor and I wouldn’t wake up. She came in and yelled for her husband to go to the car and grab a drug pack. The husband gave me narcan. The ambulance didn’t arrive for another 10 minutes. I was told that if the man wasn’t a doctor and wasn’t there that day that I wouldn’t have made it, that I wouldn’t be alive to tell this story today.
I left the hospital that night feeling like I had nothing left and nothing to lose. I just lost it all. My friend and I went and got more dope and I used the same night. I had just died and I was using already; even a death scare didn’t stop my addiction. The next morning I received a call from my date. To my surprise, he still wanted to be with me. He wanted to help me. He asked me to marry him and I said yes.
A week before we got married he said you can come with me now or we can’t get married. I went. I wanted to quit, I just didn’t know how. Later that night I became very ill. I finally had to admit to him I was still using and I needed help. He said he knew I was and just wanted to hear the truth that I was lying to him about quitting. The next morning he woke me up by telling me he found a place for me to go. I went to an intensive outpatient rehab and had to wait until the next day to start so I wouldn’t still be high (although I wasn’t).
February 27, 2013, was my first clean day and god did it feel great to finally quit and have people to help me through it. On March 1, 2013, we were married. My husband has been by my side every minute good or bad. We worked with children services; I have had my daughter back since May and it’s been a new experience for me. I have never been around my children sober. We are learning together and my daughter tells me every day what a better mommy I am. I thank God for the second chance at life I was given. I also want to thank my husband, my children, my outpatient center in Ohio, the doctor that saved my life, and my child services worker for believing in me, saving my life, and for a second chance. It hasn’t been easy but no one ever said it would be.
My family has been through hell and back with me, and I have been through hell and back, but it was worth it because I am CLEAN AND SOBER. I have my mother back, my brother, my niece and nephew, and my sister in law. I am so grateful. I have lost many friends to this horrible disease and I don’t want anyone to have to go through the hell I have. I hope I can reach out to someone by telling my story so maybe I can save some lives. I am enrolling in drug and alcohol counseling. I want to help others the way I have been helped.
The only person that can save you is you. You won’t quit until you’re ready. I hope for your sake you do it before you lose it all, including your life, because you’re worth it. Don’t let anyone hold you down. If you don’t know how to get help, ask someone or look in the phone book for a phone number to point you in the right direction before it’s too late. It will be worth it when you can say, “I did it! I’m clean and sober! I made it!” I will be clean six months on August 27, 2013, and I was worth it! That day is my mother’s birthday. She said, “That’s the best present you could ever give me, Shari, I love you.” That right there made it even more worth it. Every day I look in the mirror I see success, not failure. I see love not hate. I see I’m beautiful from the inside out, not ugly. Best of all I can pass a drug test! I have never passed my own drug test EVER! I am proud, not ashamed, and neither does anyone else.
Thank you,
Shari