- Drugs
- Faith
My name is Sam and my falling into drugs was due to peer pressure in high school. I thought, “If I don’t smoke this marijuana (which I know I shouldn’t), then will my friends reject me?”
I was from a very, very poor single-parent family. There was no money for food or clothes, let alone entertainment. My ticket to the ‘in crowd’ was my friend who was on the basketball team and had a car, a big brother who played football at a state university, and access to marijuana. I became addicted.
When I turned 18, I moved out of my mother’s house and was going to make it on my own. That just meant I was going to live the life with parties, drugs, alcohol, girls, clubs and anything else that no one was around to stop me from enjoying. I graduated to cocaine, and my addiction was so strong that, when I could no longer afford it, I started dealing. I learned how to buy large quantities, cut, pack and sell it. Of course, in that business, I also carried a gun. I was making more money than having a regular job, so for me it was a no brainer.
For the next 32 years, I lived the whole drug scene. My life was a shambles, with three broken marriages, two children without a dad and, at age 50, I was addicted to and dealing meth. I hit rock bottom. Suicide was the only way I could see out of this mess. I made the choice to end my life. As I reached my house that afternoon, I found a note on my door that simply said, “Jesus loves you.”
Reading that note awakened long-forgotten memories of singing the song “Jesus Loves Me.” My mother would drop my sister and me off at Sunday school each week then come back later to pick us up. To me, it had just been another place to socialize.
It was my sister-in-law who left the note. Somehow, she found out where I lived. What are the odds? That was the same day I was going to end it all. Could I hope that there was another way out of my destroyed life? Could it be possible that Jesus really did love me? Would He accept me and forgive me? I figured it was worth finding out so I put the suicide on hold until I knew.
Two days later, I went to church and it seemed as if the pastor was speaking directly to me. He said, “Someone here is running from God and if they stopped running and asked for forgiveness, God would forgive.” At the altar call, I went forward for prayer and promised God that if He would forgive me and clean me up, I would live the rest of my life for Him with no excuses. I’d do whatever He wanted me to do. I was a very desperate man and went into this wholeheartedly.
Well, I hit the road running, so to speak. My meth addiction was totally broken by filling my life with Bible reading, regular church attendance (I was there every time the doors were open) and getting involved at the church. I went right back into the neighborhood where I was dealing drugs, went to my old hangouts and told everyone that God had saved me and forgiven me and that He would do the same for them. I brought several of those people to church for a special play that was going on just two weeks after my altar experience and 10 or 12 of them accepted Christ and rejected the old lifestyle, just as I had done.
I became very involved with the children’s ministry. A few years later, I even married the children’s outreach pastor, who is a very godly woman (that is a whole other story). Many of these children are out of the neighborhoods where I used to deal drugs. It is like God was saying, “You saw one side of the coin: the brothers, uncles and dads that used to hide in the dark waiting on you to bring their drugs. Now, I want you to see the other side of the coin and help build lives. Be a shepherd to those children who have nothing and live like you used to.” Now, I am building lives rather than destroying. It breaks my heart to think of all the damage I did. It is hard not to cry, but my God is the God of second chances, for which I will be eternally grateful. I can reach these kids like others may not be able to because I understand what they are going through. God lifted me out and He will do the same for them if they ask Him. Hopefully, I will be the influence in their lives that will keep them from going down the road that I traveled.
I have a favorite passage from the Bible, which is Proverbs 3:5-6. It is a promise from God and I am proof that it is true.
Thank you for the opportunity of sharing my story.