- Drugs
- Faith
I began my journey of recovery at the age of 18. I got serious about my recovery at the age of 24. My sobriety date is November 7, 2013.
Many positive things have happened in my life since November 2013 (last November). The biggest positive change would have to be my spiritual growth; having a connection with myself I have never had up until this point. My connections with others have become genuine. I am now able to relate to other people. I also acknowledge that others do care about me now. I care about my life and wellbeing now. I share my experience, strength and hope.
I realized I needed recovery when I came to the conclusion I was going to die, to put it bluntly! I had no connection with God and it scared the crap out of me. I also knew I needed recovery because of these reasons: near death experiences, two overdoses, jails, institutions, hospitalizations, homelessness for 2 years, prostitution, incarceration, many treatment and detox trips and the will to live my life.
There was a turning point for me. I wanted to have a relationship with God before I died. As that connection was forming, I was also still doing what addicts do when trying to make some quick money. I put an ad on a website and got a response. The man was asking me “what I would like” (referring to how much money I charged for services) and all that came out of my mouth was “prayer”. We talked on the phone for an hour and prayed. I have not talked to him since that night. I believe he was an angel sent in a physical body. I then proceeded to apologize to everyone I had spoken to that responded to my ad by saying “I apologize for trying to sell a lie because I am not gay; I just wanted some extra cash”.
One thing that I know to be true is it will not be a success story if I go back out. It is life or death. Anyway you look at it, the situation is black and white.
I am most proud of the value of my word. I can set goals and achieve them. I can be the man I want to be.
The biggest struggle I am going through in recovery is grieving over my old lifestyle, losing my comfort zone and dealing with changing my whole identity.
I overcame these struggles through many outlets: prayers, meetings, step work, meditation, free writing, talking with others about commonalities. I spend time with people that have been through the same things or are going through them as well. I have the fellowship to remind me I am not alone.
I am surprised I can apply myself. I went into inpatient treatment voluntarily. I am currently in outpatient treatment. I have my own apartment. I signed up to go back to school and applied for financial aid and was approved! I have a bank account with money in it. I am able to save money. I am buying meaningful possessions. I am capable of being independent and self-sustaining.
Recovery provided the foundation and gave me the hope I needed to move forward with my life.
I have received both truth and pieces of advice. Someone told me to “believe in myself”. People show me that it is possible. Those around me did not give up on me!
If you are beginning this journey and are afraid you won’t be able to do it– this message is for you:
“Recovery has given me a new life and new way of thinking. A spiritual connection I never thought was possible. Do it a day at a time. I feel better than I have felt in a very long time. I have lost a lot of self-seeking motives. Have healthy connections in my relationships. I am doing it! After many attempts and countless negative consequences I found surrender. Then, came peace and serenity.”
One day at a time has given me a life and appreciation I would never want to take away. I would not trade it for anything.