- Alcohol
The phrase “functioning alcoholic” always struck me as an oxymoron, although many people have claimed their parent or grandparent or friend was just that. “He doesn’t have a problem. He goes to work every day and does his job. She never drinks and drives. He has never been arrested.” But, I am here to tell you that there is no difference between an alcoholic who “functions” and an alcoholic who is dysfunctional. We are all alcoholics.
I woke up one day and decided I did not want to spend another morning dragging myself to work feeling sick and tired and scared, promising myself I would not have a drink when I got home, only to find myself thinking about a drink at about 2:00 in the afternoon. That was the day I realized I was not functioning. Two days later, I checked myself into rehab and started my now almost five year journey in sobriety. Even in rehab and then in the aftercare program that followed, I did meet people who would laugh when I told them that I had never gotten a DUI, never been arrested, never lost a job to drinking. I told them I was no different from any other addict. I needed alcohol and it was always on my mind. I thought I could not cope without it—could not live without it.
Not only could I live without it, I now see that I did not really start living until I was free from it. I was finally free to live my life. I don’t want to say that being an alcoholic has been a blessing in my life, but being in a program of recovery definitely is. I want to share what I have learned with everyone who is struggling with any issue, but I do still find myself keeping this part of me a secret from many people. I wish it did not have to be that way. We should not be ashamed of being in recovery. It is a miracle and a journey of hard work and dedication, and we should all hold our heads up and claim that.