Kristen I want them to say, “Here comes a fighter.”

Kristen’s story

When I was about 14, I was diagnosed with an illness almost as debilitating as cancer. It can tear you apart, and turn you into someone you aren’t. It can ruin friendships, relationships and make you say things you wish you hadn’t.

This is depression.

I’m sure you know that depression or any mental illness isn’t talked about very much. I barely knew what it was, when I was first given the diagnosis. I tried to find ways to cope with it, and soon they became unhealthy. The day I first cut myself is etched in my brain forever. I was stressed, upset and unable to understand why I (or anyone) had to have depression. When I realized that cutting would put a stop to all of the confusion and anger, I continued to do it. Soon enough, I found myself self-harming whenever I had the chance. I no longer cut when I was upset. It turned into whenever I felt like it and could find something sharp.
I was living with my one brother and his family last summer, and my niece was one of the first to see my large scar on my thigh. She’s only six, but she knew that there shouldn’t be letters on someone’s thigh. She would try to spell them out and ask what they meant, but I had to keep pushing her questions away.

It was then when I realized that I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t have my nieces in my life when I was ruining my body. I loved them more than anything, so I decided that I must get better. That was a year ago, and through that year there were many failed attempts of recovery, but I won’t give up.

As of right now, I am one month clean. And I know that isn’t much, but it’s something. I don’t know where I see myself in the future, but I know that I don’t want my nieces thinking that self-harm is an excuse when life sucks. It isn’t. It never is. It’s also never okay to give up. Life always has a way of turning around and getting better.

I hope to one day use my knowledge and experience to help others struggling with depression, self-harm, addiction, or suicide. I have agreed to accept depression as a blessing and use it to my advantage. It doesn’t have to be a setback or a struggle, as it’s all about how you treat it. I didn’t ask why anymore, I just asked how I could wake up in each situation, how could I use all of it as a learning experience, the good and the bad, all of it.

Hello, I’m Catherine and I’m a recovering addicted compulsive gambler. I thought I would share a little about myself and let you know a little about compulsive gambling, recovery and the blessings and rewards that my recovery has given me these past months. I’m a 50 year old woman who in my heart feels 30, [...]

Three years ago, after my first treatment session at La Paloma, my therapist gave me this affirmation: “I am a worthwhile child of God.” At the time, I thought I was of absolutely no value to anyone, especially God. Today, I know that affirmation is true, but it’s a long way from where I began. [...]

I started drinking at my christening. I was six years old, and my parents, both drinkers, had recently realized that to get us into a good school they would need us to at least appear to be Christians. So I was drunk at my christening. It was great. I felt wonderful. I understood why people [...]

It was a cold night. I was lost in my misery and had just spent the last two days being beaten, trying to be convinced to do the work I had walked away from the year before (making bad stuff for biker clubs to sell). I was living on the streets under a overpass and had [...]

I was raised with my parents and four siblings. When I was eight years old, my brother who was 20 years old died in a drunk driving accident. The family dynamic changed dramatically. Three weeks later, I was sexually assaulted. I never told my grieving parents. Through the years I was present at the deaths [...]