- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Faith
I got started on the road to substance abuse in middle school for a few reasons. Peer pressure was part of it. I was a scared, awkward kid who desperately wanted to be liked, and I thought I’d impress my classmates by drinking. There were some people I looked up to who had substance abuse issues of their own, and they seemed completely happy and successful. I was also just curious to see what it was like.
I noticed that when I drank everything seemed to get better. My pain seemed to go away. I was bullied in junior high, and when I drank I quit feeling the sadness from that. It seemed to allow me to finally be comfortable in my own skin. When I got to high school, alcohol was a lot easier to get, and I kept using it as a way to deal with my problems.
My drinking increased a lot in high-school and this led to marijuana use. By the time I was a freshman in college, I was using marijuana daily and drinking frequently. That eventually led to a myriad of psychedelics. Later in college I really got into prescription painkillers after a friend with a prescription hooked me up with some Percocet. After I started on painkillers, the floodgates opened. I miraculously made it through college with a decent GPA and managed to get my degree.
Shortly after college I got into ecstasy and cocaine. I developed a huge cocaine habit that eventually led me to getting into meth. My painkiller addiction led to heroin. Alcohol was there all along in large quantities. Eventually I used pretty much anything that came my way.
My life was a mess. I lost tons of jobs due to absenteeism and eventually stopped trying to get jobs. I drained a bank account. I had nothing to show for it but increasing health problems. There was alcohol poisoning. There were overdoses. There was one particular overdose that was absolutely insane. My behavior was erratic, and I became angry and unpredictable.
This went on for years. I wasted my 20s and the better part of my 30s. I wanted to stop but was so caught up in it all. I was making all kinds of bad decisions. I’m responsible for my own choices, but substances made it a whole lot easier to make bad choices. Eventually I was no longer using to feel good but was using to not feel horrible.
I ended up jobless and thousands of dollars in debt. My thought processes and brain chemistry were so overwhelmed by the substances to which I was a slave. I came to a point where I hated myself and said, “I’m never coming back from this. I’ve done too much damage. I’m going to ride this train until it crashes.” I hurt people who didn’t deserve it and eventually attempted to end my own life. I ended up getting arrested and charged with multiple felonies. If I had been convicted of everything I was charged with, I would have done a few years in the department of corrections.
I served time in jail. I went through horrible withdrawal symptoms in jail. While going through withdrawal, I found a tiny bit of sanity which allowed me to make a promise to make my faith, my family and my sobriety my priorities.
Eventually I bailed out while my case was pending and moved into a place where people who have had substance abuse issues, people who have been in prison, people who have been homeless and victims of human trafficking can move in and get their lives back together. I got back into my faith. I started communicating again instead of trying to run from my problems. I made exercise and nutrition a big part of my life. I started doing art and writing again. I started to laugh again. I gained back my self-respect and others’ trust.
I accepted a plea deal for two years of supervised probation. I was assigned 46 weeks of one type of counseling and 15 weeks of another. I was given a permanent “designated” felony and lost my rights as an American citizen. I paid thousands of dollars in court fines and fees.
Eventually I ran into a guy who heard part of my story and told me I should apply to be a substance abuse peer educator at a local nonprofit. I did. I started as a part-time speaker there and worked as hard as I could. I spoke in schools, sharing the experience and knowledge I learned during my journey. I did everything I was asked and took on additional duties. Within the first three months, they made me a full-time speaker. Four months later I was made staff and became the organization’s first communications coordinator.
Today I do parent, student and school faculty presentations on substance abuse, and I do parent and faculty presentations on bullying. I handle all the social media for the organization, run the website, create original content and do TV, radio, web and print interviews as the organization’s representative.
I currently travel doing speaking engagements, sharing my personal story with teachable keys to behavioral health. I’ve had the opportunity to share my story with students and local government officials in Boston and have upcoming presentations in California. I’ve spoken to groups as small as 5 and as large as 1000. I’ve done as many as seven one-hour presentations back to back. I’ve had the chance to address a drug court and share my story and thoughts on the way addiction is viewed by government and the courts.
I’ve also had the opportunity to do an interview for a documentary which will be simulcast on every TV station (and most radio stations) in Arizona. Additionally I was appointed to the recovery and response subcommittee responsible for overseeing the crisis-line phone bank taking calls during and after the airing of the documentary.
Recently I’ve been asked to provide policy suggestions related to prevention, treatment and recovery for a member of a transitional subcommittee. Most importantly sobriety has allowed me the opportunity to become the type of husband I should have been all along and has given me the chance to be a very good dad to an amazing daughter. I give thanks every day for the fact that I got clean and sober before having a child. I owe it to her to have my act together.
I’m thankful for every chance I get to help other people, let individuals who are struggling know that they’re not alone and destroy the stigma and stereotypes surrounding addiction and recovery. I take every chance I get to help people understand that it is not a failure of morality but a behavioral health issue.
November 29, 2014, marked three years of sobriety for me. I’m astounded by how much my life has managed to change for the better in that short amount of time. It makes me excited to see what’s next.
No matter what you’ve done, what’s been done to you, or what you’re going through, you are not alone.