- Alcohol
I am Edward, a recovering alcoholic from Kenya. I was brought up in a dysfunctional family, raised by my father alone. It was very harsh life, but I worked very hard in school because it was the only way to escape the hard life. After high school, I did not secure a place at our university despite of my good performance. I felt completely frustrated since that was my dream. So I went looking for a job. It was extremely hard away on my own. I experienced sleepless nights.
That was when my late older brother introduced me to alcohol. I was told it would make me happy and make me forget my problems. He also said it would help me to sleep. By this time, I was using sleeping pills for sleep. The frustrations intensified, and I started the most resentful journey in my life. It was true that drinking was very exciting and entertaining. By now, I was not drinking a lot. But as I continued drinking, I went deeper into alcohol every day. Then I started consuming all types of beer that were available. Later, I got a job, which made me drink more than before. Life was so miserable. I would feel empty, completely useless and dirty.
Many things were happening in my life. I started to feel suicidal by now. Many people were concerned with my drinking, but I was in denial. I would stop for awhile then go back to use again. As time went on, I felt hopeless, hated and useless. I felt everything in me was dead except my body which was moving. I was like a moving corpse. Everybody was talking about me. People thought I was bewitched. Since I felt God was not concerned, I stopped everything to do with him. I slipped into depression and then I attempted suicide. When I survived, I went back home, and the drinking routine resumed. Shame, guilt, bitterness and resentment became the orders of the day. After some years, I stopped drinking and went to church. Then I went for theological studies. I did not do any program nor did I deal with my past. I just stopped drinking. The cravings were intense, but I completed my studies. Then I was a licensed and ordained and I became a church minister.
After years of abstinence, I went back into using again. It was the same old story. Everything was as it was before. My frustrations started all over again. Life was hard, but I moved on. I also got married to a very beautiful, caring and understanding lady. She has remained the same ever since. Many things happened, but I went deeper into use until I resigned. I started to drink every day. I was broke. I stole and I sold household goods. I did anything to get my drink. I hit the rock bottom. I was a complete addict. I could sleep anywhere or do anything. Life was useless as far as I was concerned. I suffered memory loss. I could not recall anything. I had no appetite. It was alcohol for life and life for alcohol.
My turning point came one day as I was watching a program on TV. A lady was talking about her past alcoholic life and how she stopped. Then I realized that I could stop and my life could change. Then and there, I made up my mind, went home, packed my clothes and I went to rehab for 90 days. The rehab centers here are few and are expensive, but I managed. In rehab, I discovered a part of myself that I had never known. I was a total stranger to me. We met with myself we reconciled and became one. It was the most beautiful experience when I came to know and accept myself. I worked the program very well. By the time I went home, I felt happy, hopeful and full inside. I had dealt with shame, guilt, self-rejection and self-esteem problems. I am now seven months sober, and every day I feel strong.
I did not detail my story’s especially personal incidences. If you work it, it works. So work it because you are worth it. Stay sober.