- Drugs
My name is Courtney. I am the oldest of six children. I grew up in what I consider the typical American blended family. I have two sisters, one half brother and two stepbrothers. It’s confusing to explain to others but unavoidable with all the marrying, divorcing and remarrying going on in society this day and age. My parents and stepparents provided all of us with a loving home, provided us with the best education, gave us equal life opportunities and afforded us the financial means to live well and enjoy life.
Unfortunately a great childhood with loving parents can’t promise anyone that they won’t fall victim to addiction. I know this because two of my sisters are heroin addicts. Anyone with a brother or sister knows the relationship between siblings is unique. I adore my sisters. They mean the world to me. At one time in our lives, it was the three of us against the world. Together we made the best team.
When I left home to earn a bachelor’s degree and attend graduate school, my sisters were still in high school. They did what most high school kids do: experiment with drugs and alcohol. I never thought their typical teenage behaviors might be taken too far and become a nightmare. Why? Because I used to think heroin addiction didn’t happen to families like mine. I was wrong. I have witnessed my other two halves go on a downward spiral to a dark place where their addictions are stronger than the love I have for the both of them.
Although their individual journeys and personal stories aren’t mine to tell, I can admit that my own personal journey and the last decade of my life have been a constant emotional roller-coaster swinging between anger, denial, love, resentment, confusion, fright, sadness and mostly guilt. Some days I feel such guilt when I think about my sisters and how unfair it is that they don’t have the same genetic protection as me. Why was I the chosen one who never took a liking to or desired to experiment with drugs? It’s like names were pulled out of a hat and I got lucky. As a result I get to move on with my life while my sisters fight a daily battle against a disease there is no cure for. With recovery and relapse come rebuilding and collapsing relationships. This becomes so exhausting and damaging. At times not being able to trust my sisters or cope with the turmoil in their lives causes me to subconsciously withdraw or separate from my sisters and family to protect my heart and soul.
Anyone and everyone is susceptible to substance abuse and alcoholism regardless of background and upbringing. Heroin abuse doesn’t discriminate based on race, age, ethnicity or location. The drug has affected the lives of both of my sisters and my whole family including my parents. They did everything right, and it turned out wrong for two of their babies. Losing a piece of my parents through this has been the hardest part of all. Perceiving the heartache and pain addiction causes them can make me feel helpless at times. Every day I thank God for giving my parents the strength to realize, little by little, how to let go of such an uncontrollable situation.
What will happen to my sisters? I don’t know. I do know that there is no finish line with addiction. My sisters will always have to fight against addiction and the stigma and judgment of others on a daily basis. It’s time to break the silence and stop looking at people with addictions as “others.” People with addictions deserve the same compassion that every other patient suffering from chronic illness is entitled to. I am inspired by my sisters’ struggles, their hard work, their response to setbacks along the way and the way they keep battling, keep swinging and keep fighting. There are many roads to recovery, and I pray they will each find their own path before it’s too late. Win or lose, I admire those who fight the good fight. Therefore my sisters will always be two of my favorite heroes.