Heroes in Recovery

It Takes a Village

There is power in numbers and in having others to lean on. When I lived with the addiction of my son, Andy, I found myself embroiled in a world of craziness. He was suffering, and, believe me, I was suffering too. Addiction impacts the whole family, not just the addict. I have never felt as powerless in my whole life as I did watching my beloved child slowly slip away from me. I tried to handle it on my own by loving him into recovery. I mistakenly thought my love for him could cure him.

At the point where I felt that I had nowhere else to turn and could take no more without going off the deep end, I found my 12-step program. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say this saved my life. There, I found a group of people who lived what I was living. There was no judgment, only the benefit of their experience. It was a safe place to tell my story without fear of being judged or blamed. What a relief that was! They helped me understand and come to my own conclusion that I was not helping my son by enabling him. I was actually causing him harm. It goes against every parental instinct to let your children fall and to let them suffer the consequences of their negative actions and poor choices in life. But if you really love your child, you must do this. Enabling is looking out for your own feelings. Doing the hard thing is love. Remember what they say on airplanes, “Put your own oxygen mask on first and then help your children.” The point is that you are no help to your loved one if you are embroiled in the addiction yourself. I spent way too much time trying to put the mask on Andy first. I finally was able to see the light thanks to the 12-step village.

The 12 steps are hard work! I am so grateful for the supportive people of my group for helping me work through them. Doing this alone would have been impossible. I gained strength from their experience and their support. I began to live life again and let my son live his own life too. Now it has hit me that it must have been very disempowering for my son to see the way I tried to control everything he did instead of letting him run his own life. Having control over another person is pure illusion. I understand that now. Anyway, life began to have some joy and meaning again, despite my circumstances.

I would like to tell you Andy’s story has a happy end. Unfortunately, it does not. I lost my son in 2011 to a heroin overdose. He had a relapse. However, the last few months of his life were the happiest I could remember since he was a little boy. For that, I am incredibly grateful. Sobriety certainly made his life a lot better. I saw the proof. When I lost him, I again leaned on my 12-step village to make some sense of this new normal and find some purpose in life. Through God’s grace, I also found Heroes in Recovery. Although it is too late to save my son, it is not too late to help someone else. I really think that is the legacy my son left through me. I work with this dedicated group of people who work tirelessly to erase the stigma of addiction by telling the stories of people who have made it and are in recovery. We are a village joined by our mutual desire and passion for ending the stigma of addiction and getting people the help they need. Joined together, we are working to change the way people look at addiction. I can already see examples of the public mindset swaying toward treatment rather than incarceration. I can’t think of a better way to honor my son.

And now, I have a request. If you or someone you know has a story of recovery, please join our village and post your story at www.heroesinrecovery.com.  Together, we can make a difference!

In love and light,

Pam

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Cleaning Out the Cobwebs

I am normally a pretty organized person. My house is regularly cleaned, and I keep up with bills groceries and the other ongoing projects a house requires. Personally, I take care of myself by staying fit and engaged in life with both work and play. Recently, I was feeling like things were getting too far ahead of me. It was time to take a look at why I was feeling that way.

A heavy spring cleaning was called for. I needed to clean out the cobwebs both in my home and in my head. Cobwebs, not necessarily the literal kind, can exist in my physical space and mental space and often share a connection. The physical ones are a reflection of what is going on in my head. At my house, it means a stack of paper collecting on my desk asking to be sorted through, magazines on the coffee table that were read long ago, unused food in the fridge because I haven’t taken the time to cook and unplanted plants that I bought a week ago. All these things left undone tell me I am preoccupied mentally with something else, although I may not have identified what it is yet. When I leave long-term things undone, it means I have uncompleted projects, unmade vacation plans, retirement planning, etc. I consider this to be a message that I am not ready to make a definitive long-term decision until I identify what I am preoccupied with. Having this unsettled feeling is okay as long as I am striving to understand the change that is trying to happen. Cleaning out and understanding the mental blocks of today will help my physical surroundings fall into place.

Fortunately, this is happening for all the right reasons. After working on my recovery as a codependent parent of an addict for a number of years, much has changed in my life and continues to do so. Whether at the beginning of my recovery or where I am now, it is a constant process of cleaning out the cobwebs. I have to continually look at my physical, spiritual, emotional, financial and social well-being. Being aware of my feelings and working my program helps me to understand the message I am being sent and to honor what I am to learn from it. What am I learning now? It is not that I am so much overwhelmed as I am in a place of great change. I love everything that I am part of, but a shift in how I am doing things needs to take place. I need to be honest and rebalance my life. I need to be honest now by making some decisions that allow growth to continue and bring the needed changes into my life. Making those decisions will keep me from being overwhelmed. That may mean eliminating something from my life or letting someone else handle a part of life that is necessary but not as fulfilling for me. Rebalancing means getting back to the things that nurture me physically, emotionally and spiritually, whether it means returning to lifelong joys or adding something yet untried. Change happens over and over but each time it is different. This time, the change feels bigger and more challenging for me. I willingly work it to shed those cobwebs that can grab hold and stick to me.

If you are working on your recovery, you will feel it when change is happening. You will need to clean out the cobwebs to embrace the change. It is how we move forward. Be mindful that your physical space is a reflection of your mental space. It lets you know if something needs attention.

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Gratitude…

Gratitude is a very big word in sobriety. I really did not pay much attention to what I am grateful for before I got sober. I somehow thought that I deserved what I got because I worked hard for it. Other times, I thought that I wasn’t worthy of having it and felt guilty that I got it anyway.

Alcoholics are often also called “egomaniacs with an inferiority complex.” I want it all, I know it all, and I can do it all. But at the same time, I’m not good enough for anything. This special mixture in my brain makes gratitude a difficult task. I was told to write down everything that I’m grateful for and, at first, I ended up with material things on my list. Of course, I can be grateful for my car. But I worked for it, I paid for it, and I deserve it, so why would I be grateful?

During my first weeks and month in sobriety, I kept hearing people say that they were “grateful recovering alcoholics.” How can be anybody be grateful to be an alcoholic? I didn’t understand the word. I was definitely NOT grateful to be an alcoholic. I could not drink or do drugs anymore and I had to sit in those meetings and go to treatment.  I did it because it saved my life, but I AM NOT GRATEFUL for it!

Later, this word gained another meaning for me. I am grateful to be recovering, but please let me now recover and let my life go on. It took a long time before I really understood it. I am grateful for other things, and slowly the answers came to me.

I am grateful today for the air that I breathe. Without my sobriety, I would be dead now and no longer be breathing. I sure am grateful for that! I am grateful today not to be celebrating Christmas in the hospital. During my drinking times, I often spent Christmas at the ICU, which was not very pleasant! I am grateful today for every person in my life. I notice and care about the people that cross my way. I am grateful for any influence that they have on me. There were times when I didn’t notice anyone or anything around me. I am grateful for the support I get from family, husband, friends, and meeting fellowship partners. There were times in my life when nobody wanted to help me, but they did anyway. Without this help, I would not be alive today.

I am grateful to have a Higher Power in my life. That was not always the case. Now, I have something to lean on and always have somebody who listens. I am happy and grateful to have food on the table and my health. I lived for 10 years in a third world country, Egypt in Africa. I saw how it is when people are starving. I’m grateful that I don’t have to starve or be homeless.

I saw people dying in the biggest leprosy colony in Africa of a disease that can be healed. But they still die there. I’m grateful to have doctors and hospitals.

Of course I am grateful for material things as well but I don’t take them for granted anymore. Without being sober, I would not have them anymore. I am grateful to have a driver’s license. Unlike many alcoholics, I did not lose mine, so that is a reason to be grateful.

I’m grateful for my creativity and my personality and that I can read my own handwriting today (that wasn’t always the case for me, depending on time of day and emptiness of the bottle). I am grateful that I can go to sleep today instead of passing out. What a difference that makes!

This list could go on and on. There are days in life for each of us when life is not going the way we like it. On these days, we may like to throw something against the wall and shout about how bad everything is. These are the moments when I like to sit down and write a gratitude list. Have you tried it before? If you see how many wonderful things are in your life, you can be grateful for them and the problems become smaller and smaller. If you think you are in a bad situation, please always remember: nothing bad in life can be made better by drinking!

I am grateful that I am able to type and have you read this. I hope you have a day filled with gratitude today. Gratitude is my new found gift that helps improve my life quality and my spirit. I can be grateful for good things that happen to you, not only what happens to me. With this thought, I wrote this little article and hope that good things will happen to you when you start your new life. I thank my Higher Power tonight for this second life he gave me and the gratitude that I experience now. My sobriety is my highest gift. Without it, I would have nothing. Please have an attitude of gratitude!

I look gratefully back on 2012 and already have gratitude for all the things that I will experience in 2013. But most importantly, I am grateful for today!

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_____ Killed the Cat

Curiosity killed the cat. I’m sure everyone has heard this proverb before. It might be a little unclear as to how the saying originated, but the meaning of the saying is pretty straightforward. Unneeded research or investigation is what killed our furry, feline friend. Research or investigation into what, you ask? It could be anything.

I decided to examine this proverb by assigning some real life issues to the situation. Let’s turn our feline into a human and call him Frank. Frank becomes curious about alcohol and decides to try beer one night. He likes it so much that he tries it again and again. He starts to drink liquor with his beer. He likes that too! After that, he tries marijuana to go with his liquor and beer. This goes on for ten years, with Frank progressing on to more serious and dangerous drugs and behaviors, until one day he overdoses on heroin and dies. It seems Frank’s overdose was a result of a series of bad decisions that was initially set off by his curiosity. The proverb is spot on in this scenario.

Let’s try another scenario. We’ll play the same scenario out but, instead of letting Frank progress through all ten years to his overdose, we’ll stop it at some point in year nine. Frank is down on his luck and really struggling at this point. He’s not where he wants to be in his life. He knows the drugs and alcohol are huge crutches for him. He wishes for a better way of life but doesn’t know how to get there. This is the only life he knows, and he doesn’t know where to turn. Frank has a friend named Steve who has been sober for over a year but Frank doesn’t know that. Frank and Steve used to party together but now are not close because Steve is in recovery and doesn’t hang around the same places anymore. They have a chance encounter, and Steve asks Frank how he is doing. Frank says he is not well. Before Frank elaborates, Steve already knows the truth because it is written in Frank’s eyes. Steve recognizes those eyes because he’s had them himself. Steve listens and tells Frank he hopes he gets better. Then, they go their separate ways. Steve wishes he could have helped more but he didn’t want to break his own anonymity to Frank, even though Frank noticed an obvious change. Frank even asked what was different, and Steve said he just made some changes and left it at that. Frank wishes he could make a change but doesn’t know how to. He continues down his destructive path, overdoses and dies. My question now is, “What proverb best fits this scenario?” Is it, “Curiosity killed the cat?” This is the curiosity that compelled Frank to try the substances in the first place. Or is it, “Anonymity killed the cat?” This is the anonymity Steve chose when he kept his story secret. His story could have helped save Frank from his own downfall, but he didn’t tell it because he didn’t want Frank to know the details.

I don’t write this blog to bash programs of anonymity or anonymity as a whole. I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and love it! I understand it is important for some people to maintain their anonymity for very personal reasons, and that is great. I write this because there are times when someone has the opportunity to help another by sharing his experience, strength and hope but he doesn’t do it because of the fear of having his recovery discovered. What would you choose? Would you choose to let curiosity, coupled with your anonymity kill the cat? Or would you choose to let your openness and willingness save the cat?

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Change is the Only Constant

Change can be the either the maker or the breaker for one in recovery. Although nothing in life is certain but change, this imminent catalyst is often an abrupt and powerful precursor that can test how strongly a foundation has been laid in recovery. How one either faces or runs from change is simply a matter of whether he or she is ready for this challenge or not. Many gather months, years or decades in sobriety without having faced major adversity. The true test of one’s foundation is in meeting and exceeding these movements of nature and conquering the fears that coincide with them.

Upon entering recovery, the mention of the “pink cloud” can often be a veil for the real world and what can be expected of a life lived recovering. Things seem promising and fruitful during the immediate challenge of overcoming the addiction’s hold. After the body has been cleansed of the toxin, the truth of the disease reveals itself and the real healing begins. Not all of those who enter into recovery are aware of their underlying issues. Built on year upon year of drudgery and hidden secrets, the life of this person is unveiled once the fog has lifted and the reality of his decisions and consequences are faced.

Making a decision to enter into recovery is a warrior’s path. Scars left from years of abuse and mindless addictive behavior can surface and help bring you into an awareness of who you actually are. Finally seeing the light can be a harsh reality check for a warrior on the path to healing. What has worked for me has been a multitude of things, including the 12-step process, therapy, group processing and accountability. But above all, I’ve been helped by a spiritual obsession that has replaced my active use. This thirst for growth is not for the meek of heart. It takes much discipline, a desire to heal and an understanding that without spiritual growth the foundation will be built on sand.

Without my spiritual foundation, there is no way I would be able to face the challenges and growth I am presented with today. In order for me to keep this going, I realized that no meeting, no suggested path to recovery, no person and no place could save me. What I understood early on was that, in order to face the changes that would come and to ease the growing pains, I needed to continue to embark on my spiritual growth journey. Only my Higher Power can save me. Only my Higher Power has the infinite ability to manage my life when I lose the will to do so. Without my Higher Power, I am lost and disconnected from the source. Without my Higher Power, I am not on my recovery journey but at a standstill. Change happens regardless of connection to a Higher Power. My perspective on the situations and how I handle them are affected by where I am on my spiritual quest.

My belief about what I am able to do in recovery depend on how far I have come on my spiritual path and on my service to myself and others. This is where my journey has taken me. Leaps and bounds from where I use to be, I find peace and contentment when I am working toward healing the wounds that scarred me in my past. This means popping in and out of my comfort zone and consistently taking care of myself, whether or not I have had a lot of trying times or if it’s been quiet on the home front. It also means living in gratitude for the reminders about who I am and who I am becoming. Change will show you who and what you are. Change will reveal where you are on your journey. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Be true to yourself and what you know in your heart to be true. It’s your life. You’ve been blessed with a new lease. What will you do with it now?

I empower you to continue to seek. Never stop growing. Continue to push your comfort zones, even if it’s just a little tiny bit at a time. It is in times of change that we learn to understand others and, most importantly, ourselves.

Love and light, fellow travelers. You have so got this!

Adventure V

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Rekindle Your Light

No matter if you have been living clean and sober for six months or six years, at some point everybody faces the point where the excitement of recovery seems to fade. Groups and meetings seem to lose some of their color, their miracle and their magnetism. Calling your sponsor seems more like a chore than a daily high and might easily get postponed or forgotten. The reality of life sets in and other things start to take priority. This is an important stage in our recovery and sober life. Each of us should be well-equipped with tools and mindfulness to realize what is going on. We don’t want that to happen! Don’t worry, because it doesn’t have to happen!

Boredom with the program is very common after a while. We lose our enthusiasm for our sobriety and turn toward our regular life. More hours are spent at work and less hours in meetings. But it is important not to cut off your mooring lines or your ship will drift away completely. It is time to check the anchors and make sure that we are in a safe harbor. Your mooring lines are safety tools that you have learned such as a relapse prevention plan or calls with your sponsor, therapist or sober friends. It may be daily contacts by phone or in person with other addicts or alcoholics in recovery, your meetings, your fellowship in your home group or your contact with staff or other alumni from your treatment center. It may be alumni networking via social media, reading your Big Book or your daily meditation or prayer. If you have cut too many of those out of your life, it’s time to put some back in place. And don’t join the “Procrastinators Unite…Tomorrow” club. It doesn’t hurt to join a fellowship, but it does hurt to relapse!

If you are bored with your meetings lately, find new ones! If you are tired of hearing the same stories from the same people over and over, try a new location, meet new people and listen to new stories. I know how much we hate change. But by now we should know that it’s good for us, right? Change your chair you sit in at the meeting room. If you see each meeting from the same perspective, it will get boring. Start chairing meetings and pick some nice topics that you are interested in that maybe haven’t been covered before. Others might appreciate this change as much as you do.

If you work the program and go to meetings, you have heard that your purpose now is “to stay sober and help other addicts or alcoholics to achieve sobriety.” If you still only work the first part of this, put more effort into the second part. It not only helps others but it helps us too. It is a wonderful feeling to see somebody else get sober! It is so delightful to see others absorbing the hope we can give. If you have more than a year of being clean and sober, you can check if you have a local corrections committee with your 12-step program. They always need volunteers to go to jails to share their stories and bring meetings to prisoners. I do that, and it is a wonderful way of giving back, helping others, staying sober and never losing the spark of recovery itself. If you go there, each time you will remember why recovery is so important for you. The prisoners want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it. And we don’t want to go back to where they are. We can help each other!

Let us talk about conventions. Have you been to a good one? They can be an excellent way to rekindle your excitement for recovery. What a feeling it is to share a hotel with hundreds of other people in recovery. Finally, that feeling of “fitting in” is more present than ever. We have a common denominator and the same goal in life. We speak the same language and know the same people. Love is in the air! If you are tired of meetings or the program, pick a nice convention and go! The registration may not be too much and maybe you could find one nearby to avoid high travel costs. Please go. It’s worth it. The passion that you feel in the message may be the fire that you need to get ignited again.

It is important never to let the fire of recovery completely get cold. The addiction devil is waiting for us and ready to hit us full force when we least expect it. We have to be aware of our disease and have to keep our guards up. If that becomes “work” instead of “fun” and “routine” instead of “passionate,” it may make your life more miserable than it needs to be. If you are around happy people, you have a higher chance of being happy and content yourself. If you surround yourself by negative people who hate the world and everything in it, it will affect you negatively. Choose your friends and your way of life wisely. Be mindful and ask yourself how you would like to live and move toward this goal. If somebody around me acts and speaks in a way I don’t like to be around, I walk a different path. If people around me don’t like their recovery, I search until I find a group that is happy in their recovery and stay with them.

If this is too theoretical for you, then plan action! Sobriety and recovery depend on you. The time to manipulate others into doing things for you is over. We must get active ourselves. If we want action, we must plan action. I just recently had a blast on a sober vacation going snowmobiling, boat fishing and ice fishing. I did it all sober, as did the people with me. It’s not a question of what you do. It’s a question of who you do it with. You could get a sober bowling evening set up or organize a group of sober people going horseback riding on a nice day. Unite and have fun! Any kind of sport or activity is great anyway because it can get your body in a healthy state and get your endorphins flowing for natural happiness. We do not need mind-altering substances to get a high in our new life. You love you to hike? Print out a sheet of paper that says, “Who is interested in a hiking trip?” Add some detailed information about location ideas and place it on the board of your meeting room or send it to sober friends and plan a day trip for a nice sober Sunday. Think about games you can play along with the hike and find a spot for a lunch break, and you may spark the fire in your fellow recovering addicts. Do not isolate yourself and do not let others isolate themselves. You and only you can decide how your recovery takes place. It is in your hands. Set your goal about what you want to get out of your recovery and put energy and effort into reaching it.

I would suggest making a list of activities that you personally would like to do and let the list go around within your circle of sober friends. They can put their names beside the activity that they would like to join you on. That can be a pretty quick way to find groups of interest and have everybody meet new people and enjoy the chance for new friendships. Try to get people from different meetings and you may get a nice exchange there. It works if you work it! Do it today, not tomorrow.

Yours,
Susanne Johnson
Lead Advocate
Heroes in Recovery

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Just For Today

I was the mother of an addict and I am now the mother of an angel. As I struggled through parts of my son’s last year on earth, I joined a support group that changed my life. I learned three powerful words: “Just for today.” You can add the remainder of the sentence as it applies to you. Just for today, I will be happy. Just for today, I will focus on myself. You get the idea.

Why are these words so powerful? It’s because they break your life down into manageable pieces. In the chaos of living in the world of addiction, whether it is with someone you love or if you are the one with an addiction, looking at the long haul can feel overwhelming. When you break it down into a finite and manageable amount of time, things seem possible. You can get off the crazy train for a bit.

This was important for me when I was living through the chaotic times with my dear son’s addiction and it is still important to me now as I strive to go on without him. I am still working to find peace and some happiness in a situation I am powerless over. It’s not the same situation as before but it is just as painful nonetheless. I would go as far as to say that it may be more painful. But here’s the good news. I have found that it is absolutely possible to find peace and happiness amid the mess of addiction by doing things just for today. Some might call it living in the moment. I can be happy for one day! I can slow down the frantic pace and see the beauty all around me. I can feel hopeful for one day. I can be unafraid just for today. I can simply not worry about tomorrow, a month from now or 10 years from now. Today, I can be strong, confident and unafraid of what I may have to face down the road. It may never happen anyway! Worry is such a wasted emotion, right?

When I first started doing this for myself, I would pick just one thing I wanted to focus on for that day. I started keeping a list of all the things I wanted or needed to do for today and choose one of them. Now after a little practice, I just kind of do it automatically. And I can honestly say that I am able to find some peace and joy each day. Sometimes, I find a lot of peace and joy!

What kinds of things could you do just for today that would make your life more manageable? Could you try to not let yourself focus on how hard this is? Could you follow your program? Could you take a leap of faith and let someone who believes in you help you in your recovery? Could you take some time to enjoy nature all by yourself? Those are just a few ideas to help get you started. I believe in you. So why not try to do something “just for today?”

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Freedom

Freedom is defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary as: “Liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another.” What do you think of when you hear the word “freedom?” A teenager may think of freedom as being able to stay up as late as he wants when he leaves his parents’ home for college. An unhappily married person may think of freedom as the ability to go out with friends after work or walk around the house in his underwear when his wife goes out of town or the divorce is final. A person’s view of freedom will vary depending on his background or perspective.

I was recently inspired to think of freedom as it relates to addiction and recovery. When someone thinks of sobriety, he normally thinks of limitations and not about freedom. He thinks about the things he likes to do (drink, drugs, party, etc.) and that he won’t be able to do them anymore. He thinks of sobriety as being something that will turn him into a slave to recovery meetings and coffee. The opposite is true when someone in recovery thinks about sobriety. He probably thinks about all the wonderful doors that have been opened because of his sobriety and the dreadful maze of addiction he has quit stumbling through.

As I think about freedom as it relates to addiction and recovery, I think back to what life was like before I got into recovery. I remember that I knew I NEEDED to quit drinking. The problem was that I didn’t WANT to quit drinking. I wanted to want to quit. There was a big gap between what I wanted myself to want and what I wanted in reality. I recognized the need but still didn’t have the desire. Despite all of the problems I had caused for myself, I still wanted to continue walking in that ridiculous maze that I had been wandering in for years! I truly felt like I was a slave to my addiction but would never admit that fact or make progress towards recovery. The only thing that was able to free me from those chains was the power of a loving and merciful God that took me from slavery to my addiction to recovery for that addiction.

My view of freedom has changed a bit now that I have been in recovery for a while. I still think of Mel Gibson screaming, “FREEEEEDOOOOMM,” in the movie Braveheart when the topic is brought up. But I also think of the freedom I now have in my own life. The freedom I enjoy today allows me to not be tied to a bar on a Friday or Saturday night and then tied to a bed with a hangover for half of the next day. I am now free to enjoy new things that I never would have experienced if things continued the way they were. Freedom and how it relates to recovery is a topic that can be examined from many different angles. A person can view how recovery helped him regain his freedom because he quit being incarcerated due to drugs or alcohol. A person could also look at how recovery helped him become free from a bad relationship or a bad career that he couldn’t get out of due to his addiction.

What do you think of when you think of freedom and addiction or freedom and recovery?

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Moving Through Fear

Fear is something that you will hear a lot of people in recovery talking about. When I got sober, I was consumed by fear. While I knew that I couldn’t continue on the path that I was on, I was terrified to get sober. I knew that giving up drugs and alcohol would mean a completely new way of life. I would have to learn to stand on my own two feet without using substances as a crutch. I would have to let go of old ideas about myself and my life. I would have to figure out a new way of living and that was scary.

But I pushed through the fear. As I continued on in sobriety, I met those fears head on. I learned that there WAS a different way of living and that I could survive, even thrive, without the use of drugs and alcohol. Slowly but surely, I moved through the fear and started to grow.

But that doesn’t mean that my fears disappeared. For every fear that I tackled, a new one emerged. Would I be able to support myself? Could I maintain long-term sobriety? Would I ever have a social life again? Would people judge me based on my past behaviors? All of these thoughts and many more played constantly inside of my head. Sometimes, the fear was so overwhelming that it was hard to get out of bed in the morning and face the day.

But again, as time went on, my recovery gave me the opportunity to face these fears and move forward. And for every fear that I tackled and moved past, I grew a little stronger, a little more confident and a little braver. I realized that the only reason that these fears held power over me was because I allowed them to. I reached a point when that was no longer acceptable, and my life transformed.

Don’t get me wrong; I still have a lot of fears. I think it is part of the human condition. But what recovery has given me is the experience and the understanding to know that there is no fear that I can’t take on. I have learned that while something may be scary and uncomfortable at first, if I push through it, the benefits at the end are completely worth it. For example, I used to be very afraid of letting people get close to me because I thought I had the potential to get hurt. But instead of allowing that fear to isolate me and keep me from forming meaningful relationships, I pushed through it. While it was uncomfortable and scary to let people in, the benefits of having amazing people in my life who truly know and care about me is completely worth the initial fear I felt.

There is a quote I love that says, “Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.” That is truly what recovery has given me: the courage to keep moving forward even when I am in fear.

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